NaPoWriMo 2024, day 3 – The prompt was to choose a shortish poem that you like and to write it’s opposite. I chose While by Christopher Reid, one of the first poems I really loved. It’s about a man going for a walk while his wife stays behind, too ill to leave the house. I love the imagery in this poem and the sense of freedom beyond the confines of a sick-room.

My version considers the feelings of the wife – her world shrunk to one small room. I’ve drawn on my own experience of chronic illness.

I’ve included the original first for context.

While by Christopher Reid

While you were confined to the gloom
of our hushed and shuttered room
I stepped out into the sun
olive trees all the way down
to the hidden, then sudden valley
where I hoped to see things more clearly.
Each tree with unique, twisted grace
asserting rights in that harsh place,
hugging its shade to itself
while flaunting an enigmatic wealth
of drab yet glittering foliage
under which – and this was the knowledge
I’d come for – it formed its fruit
from a pressure like unspoken thought.

While

While you step into the light

And shrug off the memory of night

I stay here with dog and chair

In this place beside the stairs,

Listening to the little sounds

A house makes when no-one’s around.

We laughed when we saw this place –

The gloomy florals, the lace.

Leaded windows, closed fast

imprisoning the house’s past.

A dusty picture of femininity

A glimpse of someone else’s memories.

All my movements forced and slow.

I’m trying not to wait for you.