Tag: loss

Day Ten: Grief

Today’s prompt was to write a meditation on grief, following the form used in Geoffrey Brock’s Goodbye.

Sometimes life teaches you things no-one

ever wanted to know. That grief comes in

different shapes. My grief for you is soft,

a wool scarf that’s been worn so often

the fibres feel like part of my skin. I’ll

never unwrap it – it’s become

comfortable enough now – no longer the

raw edged thing it was.

So much of grief is questions. Did I do

enough for you? The answer can only

ever be no. Did you know, in the end,

how much you were loved?

I’m getting on with life, Mum, I am. And

yes, I’m still wearing this grief, as soft as

a hug, every day. This is how it is. Each

new day is still a new day, and you’re

still not here.

The Day After

You don’t know what to do –

when your days have been

defined by visiting hours and

your thoughts consumed by

the care of her – of getting

drinks and food and worrying –

and suddenly all that’s gone.

Suddenly her soft salt-and-pepper

hair is no longer there for you

to touch.  She no longer needs

you to call the nurse.

Your thoughts are no longer

consumed by numbers on

screens or the colour of her

water or how warm she is.  And

then you have to begin to try

to remember what else there

is besides that small room

into which you poured

so much of your love.

Medusa leaves home

Tired of the constant bickering,

the ‘he said’ ‘she said’ never ending

circus. Tired of being

the butt of gags and sick to death

of being harassed by the local gods,

she leaves. Takes an Uber

as far as she can get on her

Saturday wages and then

hitchhikes the rest. Doesn’t

look back.

They’d met by the sea.

He promised

to shake the world for her

but all she got was

a bellyful of anger and a

head full of snakes. Spiteful.

She’s alone now. Walking

the pier and looking

strangers in the eye.

The waves, his waves

crashing in front of her

like some kind of metaphor.

She wishes she could

turn herself to stone.

She could stand here forever

feeling nothing and

even the sea couldn’t

move her.